"HASSELAGER HUNCHBACK" PORTRAIT OF A SUBURBAN TOWN, 2025
Film by Diba Jeliza-Rose Khalaj and Maya Gunhilda
"Rememberings of unbelievable things that have happened in the small cult-run suburban town of Hasselager. A beautiful Persian woman, accused of witchcraft and punished with having to spend eternity in Hasselager is guarding the local lake to protect a special fish she has chosen as her mate, but things turn around when a local red haired girl steals the fish to get out of a forced heterosexual marriage."
"Hasselager, a place you can never escape"
Written and directed by Diba Jeliza-Rose Khalaj & Maya Gunhilda
Starring: Diba Jeliza-Rose Khalaj, Celevik "C" Gromin, Maya Gunhilda & Lola Hunt
Music by Celevik "C" Gromin, Diba Jeliza-Rose Khalaj and Aleksander Wolter.
Makeup by Nikou Khalaj
"I want the fish to breed with,
To hump the fish, take care of it.
i want my coochie to smell like the fish,
I want my breasts soaked in the juice of the fish.
I fancy everyone knows where my true heart belongs.
This is a monogamous fish, she is not for sharing
Fish coochie, fish smoochie
Fish juice all over my hungry lingering body."
"Hasselager Hunchback" 2025 Text by Maya Gunhilda
There was a boy, he was bullied so hard.
In school they called him skid mark Marcus,
You are born here and you never get the chance to leave.
They all are telling you there is nothing for you outside Hasselager.
That people are posh and proper, they wear tight white pants and sees themselves as highborn.
The neighbours are hoarders, and into feederism.
Piles of junk, piles of feces and large carcasses of endangered animals.
As kids we would peak thru the few windows that were not barred up,
That was how we learned what sex was .
The wife went into bariatric surgery, angry she came out looking the exact same as before.
She went into a mania, that led to an infection
Junk and large amounts of feces were the cause,
She died of sepsis and she had a christian burial.
Her husband likes little girls now, tries to feed them up too.
There lies syringes in the playground, dug down and hidden in the sandcastles that the children play with.
Scooter gangs selling bad hash,
And a hateful regime targeting cats.
I once saw a 5 year old blonde boy, he had found an unlucky housecat.
The cat had a stick up its ass, and the boy swung it around like a record.
It was viewed by the public, they all clapped and sang a goodbye kitty lullaby in their best high pitched church voices.
Another boy stole cats for profit,
Kept them at home till the missing posters came up and then returned them for reward money.
The world's most dangerous prison is in this town,
I once saw an inmate, an old lady with swollen hands.
I let my impulsive thoughts win and I touched the swollen hands and they grabbed me.
Everyone here is so friendly.
When the lunatic asylum closed down, they let all their patients loose in the town with nowhere to go.
They longed to go back to the hospital as it was all the safety they knew,
but it was now converted into apartments for the richer
and the lunatics would keep on standing outside the complexes all lost and hopeless.
In wintertime people would sled on poolrings on a hill leading down to the highway
causing trouble with the traffic and many incidents happened.
In here lived a child taxidermist, she could stuff anything for money.
‘Gerda got her late husband's cock embalmed, she wears it tied around her waist on a belt.
She wears it with pride, it was very large.
Schools here did not run ever so often, kids were bored,
Teachers quit, teachers got pregnant by other teachers, and teachers murdered each other in cold blood.
Some kids had nowhere to go, they would sleep in abandoned sheds, burned down houses and in automobiles.
They would trade blowjobs for cigarettes, join illegal trading rings or simply make the most of what they had.
I once saw a man, he was out fishing.
He caught a small sturgeon,
he pulled his dick out of his knee length camo shorts and pissed directly on the fish.
He later sold it to the market.
At the end of this dark and crooked road is a hideaway spot for married men.
It's where they go to cheat on their wives, it's a hooker hotspot, but in Hasselager everyone know each other. So it made for strange encounters and reunions.
Occasionally the wives would go there too to sell their bodies or in recent years
to have sex with other women.
Parking lot next to it was an occasional dogging spot and sightseeing for the curious minded.
A melting pot for sexual lust, or where people went to simply just watch.
This old couple has a basement full of canned goods,
Legends say they killed multiple men, we call it the botulism basement.
They run a secret botulism ring, they sell cans to names that are put carefully on a list.
They are old, they go unnoticed,
so many wrinkles, cataract, compression socks and old homemade straw hats.
They are rulers of the town, their words are law and they are worshipped by the locals.
They believed in marriage only between man and woman, or woman and animal companion.
Their latest name was an innocent fish many local women had eyed to marry
to avoid being stuck with Hasselager men, and boys for eternity.
It brought sorrow, and so the fish too had a christian burial.
